This year, I made a commitment to myself that I would consciously try to find dates and with much zeal, I turned to my friend Google and typed in the words “best online dating sites”. I was very pleased with the results. Where do I even begin? They have dating sites for EVERYBODY, which might come across as sounding a little far-fetched but I kid you not. There is a site to cater to people of every kind: Indians, Jews, over 40s, Vegans, Catholics, pet-lovers, activists and the list just goes on. I’m sure if I looked harder, I might even find a site for Sociopaths to find love.

So I’ve put myself out there on a variety of general dating sites. It’s my first week into this new commitment and I’m already dying a little. Granted that not everyone looks great in pictures, why do men insist on doing things to make them look stupid in their profile avatars?  Maybe it’s just me but do women actually find the following observations/ trends in profile pictures of men, attractive?

– Holding up freshly caught fish in both hands

– Showing appreciation for hard rock music with the rock is alive sign along with tongue out.

– The James Bond look (Making a gun with thumb and index finger while holding it under chin)

– The topless mirror shot

– The pixelated webcam shot which almost always looks like it was taken in a basement or worse, your very own custom-built dungeon

– Close-up of the face with head at an angle, placing a lot of emphasis on one’s nostrils.

– The backward cap

– The I-work-out-hard-at-the-gym shot

– Selfie at the steering wheel

– Petting sedated tigers. WHY? no, really. WHY?

– The Group shot. You really want me to scroll through all your pictures to figure out which one is you? Ain’t nobody got time for that, son.

– The group shot surrounded by scantily clad women. We get it. You are popular with the ladies. So why are you on a dating site?

– The middle finger/ double middle finger shot. Keeping it classy eh?

– The elevator selfie

– The infinity pool shot

and my personal favourite, the selfie indoors with SUNGLASSES. Generally, if they fit into any of the above categories, I just skip their profile and move on to the next. If you can’t put up a self-respecting shot of yourself, I doubt you’d have taken the time to fill out your bio and details with dignity. However, when I do read through profiles, I am overwhelmed with disappointment and frustration over men including things like “the god-given ability to give good head to women”. Really pal? Of all the talents you might possess, that’s the one you’re going with? NEXT.

Perhaps this is why I’m still single. I heard on NPR recently that it’s possible to find love, however temporary, anywhere so long as you lower your expectations by 70%.  Stay tuned for more misadventures where I carefully unravel the shit men write in their dating profiles.