Monthly Archives: May 2015

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This is what they don’t tell you about one night stands.

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What they don’t tell you about one night stands

They tell you your body is a temple.
They tell you it’s 2015 and you ought to sample the goods.
They tell you about the teasing and how to do it right – when to laugh and touch your hair.
They tell you that promiscuity is a label reserved strictly for her.
They tell you to always show up confident and prepared, foil in your purse.
They tell you to stop and think twice, while he gets his chestbumps and highfives.
They tell you that post coitus cuddles are a faux pas.
They tell you that if one key unlocks a bunch of locks, it’s a master key.
They tell you that if one lock can be opened by a bunch of keys, it’s damaged.
They tell you to skip the smalltalk and show yourself out.
They tell you it’s a trophy pride for him and a walk of shame for her.
They tell you to celebrate female empowerment and take control.
They tell you about the value of self-preservation and pride.
They tell you everything, and yet nothing at all.

What they don’t tell you is how pleasure is a goal in itself and that for just one night you don’t have to worry about the size of your stretch marks. They don’t tell you that life doesn’t always have to be about sticking to the plot and giving yourself away strictly in the most idyllic scenarios. They don’t tell you how the streetlights flicker just before the break of dawn. They don’t tell you how liberating it is exploring the playground, at least until you get sand kicked in your face or thrown off a swing; Which is when they don’t tell you about the panic attack that hits you the day after, when you least expect it as you brush your teeth in your pajamas, rinsing off the taste of last night’s kisses lingering uncomfortably on your tongue. They don’t tell you about the involuntary physical reactions that ensue; They don’t tell you how to drown out the deafening silence of your own breathing; or how to manage the horrible surge of pain that spills out of you in uncontrollable tears. They don’t tell you that when it’s all said and done, all you really desire are fingers that will twirl the stubborn curls of your tresses, a freckled clavicle to bury your imperfect face in, the beating of a heart that will calm your nerves, and a warm body that will defy and stay the night.

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On First Date Etiquette: Kisses, Handshakes or Hugs?

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Let’s face it. First dates are potentially dicey. You’ve brazenly swiped each other and exchanged badinage online, but now the time has come for you to meet for the first time. You might choose to meet at a coffee place, a cocktail bar or even a restaurant, if you bask in high pressure situations.(Seriously. You’ll need at least 90 minutes for dinner and if you’re having a horrid time, there is no escaping!). Now, once that’s decided and as you patiently wait at your meeting spot trying to furiously recall if you’ve put on deodorant, you see your date walking towards you — How do you plan to break the first physical barrier? You have about 10 seconds to decide if 1) you’re going to shake their hand, 2) give them a hug, 3) lean in for a kiss or 4) in true millennial fashion, whip out an unorthodox hello such as a fist bump/ shoulder squeeze or simply stand there like a Botero sculpture.

I’m a fairly confident person but even I do not immediately go in for the sweeping Hollywood embrace. People are cautious and if there is anything I’ve learned over the years as a public relations practitioner, it is to always observe people’s body language, tread lightly and try to take their cue. That said, first impressions are crucial to me so I seize any given opportunity to break the touch barrier because it inevitably sets the tone for the rest of the evening.

The sense of touch is by far the most fascinating and necessary of the sensory system, and my favourite of the five senses because there’s something in us that is well beyond the reach of words or sounds — something that eludes and defies our pursuit to explain it. The sense of touch develops well before all other senses in embryos, and is the primary manner in which infants learn about their environment and bond with other people. Throughout life, we use our sense of touch to learn, protect ourselves, relate to others, and to experience pleasure. Sometimes, when I’m seated on a crowded bus and my shoulders or sides of my thighs brush up against the person seated next to me, (and after I’ve gotten over the initial wave of repulsion from involuntarily touching a complete stranger) there is a certain feeling of comfort that ensues.

So what exactly do I do when I meet a date for the first time? It really depends on what my body tells me to do along with my date’s body language. These days I either go in for a quick peck on the cheek, followed by a hug that neither lingers too long nor ends too quickly, or I do the European thing where I shake their hands and kiss both cheeks. I can’t remember the last time I simply shook my date’s hand on the first meeting. Dates that begin with a cold, prudish handshake in my opinion are doomed from the very beginning. The only exception for this is if you haven’t spent much time chatting with each other before meeting. But if you’re like me who enjoys taking the time to suss out your online matches before agreeing to go out, then there is absolutely no need for a business meeting greeting. And I’ll be honest here — call me a creeper but I am guilty of inching closer just to get a whiff of my date. I do it with discretion of course, no one needs to know I’m on a pheromone prowl — so far, so good. Once the touch barrier is broken for the first time, it depends entirely on the chemistry between my date and I for me to want to touch them again. It is not often that I feel inclined to do so, but if I do find myself wanting to touch their face or their hand or perhaps a gentle stroke of their arm, it’s a good indication that I am comfortable and fond of them, platonically so or otherwise.

That said, in a date setting, no one enjoys a gauche greeting but we’ve all been there. You can have all the confidence in the world, in the vessel that is your body but I’ve stopped counting the number of times I feel some kind of insane storm in my belly as I try to kiss someone’s cheek, mis-aim and plant my lips on their ear instead. There have also been proud moments in my life where my date would place his hand out so I could shake it but instead I go in for a hug resulting in an awkward hand-on-my-boob situation. It ain’t a pretty sight but it happens and there is no back pedalling out of that. And that’s okay. Because at the end of the day, we’re all a curious mixture of strength and fragility, diffidence and bravery. You just wear your best smile, open your heart and go with it while constantly reminding yourself to aim for the cheek and not the fucking ear next time.

How do you prefer to greet your first date?